Tribute to Carlos Roman Sr. Written By Isaiah Roman.
My name is Isaiah Roman. I’m thirty six years old. My father is Carlos Roman Sr. He passed away at the young age of forty seven years old due to stomach cancer on August 29,1995. My dad was one of the most caring, smart, and compassionate people that you’ll ever meet. My dad was an avid lover of all types of music but his favorite type of music was R&B. More specifically he loved listening to Mary J Blige and Boys 2 Men. Seeing as he came from a family of Pastors my dad had us in church every Sunday growing up rain or shine. He always taught my siblings and I to “put God first and everything else will fall into place”. That’s a piece of advice I still carry with me today.
My dad has always been a consistent part of my life. My initial impression of my dad was what an amazing, selfless man he is and if I could be half the man that he is then I’m doing something right. There are a few memorable moments that my dad and I shared together. I’ll never forget getting my first binder of basketball cards from him. He gave me an incredibly rare Michael Jordan card to add to my collection. I still have that binder today. Another thing I’ll always remember is inheriting my love of music and pro wrestling from my dad. I remember sitting next to my dad on the couch listening to Mary J Blige and watching WWF Superstars on the television every Saturday morning.
The death of my dad affected me, my family, and my neighborhood in a huge way. I feel like the family dynamic has changed so much. When my father was alive my siblings and I were so close. After he passed I feel like my siblings and I grew very far apart. I don’t know if it’s because they are all older than me or it could be something different. My neighborhood misses him dearly as well. He would give you food if you were hungry, money if you needed it, or even the shirt off his back. He always put others before himself. My dad and I never really got to chat about the obstacles he faced growing up because I was so young. I do remember during his final years as his health was slowly deteriorating he would be fighting for every breath and struggling to keep food down. Despite all of that he told us “it’s my job to worry about you. Not the other way around”. He always had a smile on his face no matter what he was going through. My dad is my hero and he was never afraid of anything.
I remember the day my siblings and I found out that my dad passed like it was yesterday. It was a late summer afternoon and I was sitting in the room that I shared with my brothers playing Super Nintendo. I was playing a game called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Tournament Fighters. My mom came into the room to check on me and to send my brother Gus to the store to get some milk and other things we needed. After he left my mom told me, my other brother, and my two sisters that we were going to have a family meeting after my brother gets back from the store. My mom never calls a family meeting. We knew this was serious but we had no idea how serious this news would turn out to be. My brother came back from the store a short time later, but to me it felt like an eternity. She called us into the living room to tell us the news that my dad had passed. She said “I’m sorry to have to tell you guys this but your father is gone”. The rest of my family stood silent as I asked is he coming back from wherever he is? My mom said “no honey he has gone to heaven. It wasn’t until she explained it that way that I understood what she meant. My siblings were crying uncontrollably and my mom was doing her best to try and stay strong for all of us but I could see the look on her face as she was fighting back tears. Not only did it hurt her to lose her husband but it hurt her to see the pain in our eyes because we just lost our father.
As I continue to cope with the loss of my father I found the power of prayer helps so much. I always say a morning prayer thanking God and my father for allowing me to open up my eyes and see another day. I say a prayer at night before I lay my head down on my pillow thanking God and my dad for getting me through another day no matter how tough or easy it was. My advice to anyone dealing with the loss of a parent is don’t let anyone put a time limit on your grief or tell you to “get over it”. I’ve learned that it never gets easier no matter how much time passes. Find something constructive to do with your time to help you pass the time and provide a little bit of distraction and comfort during this difficult time. If you need to, definitely reach out to someone just to talk. Never let anyone make you feel like a burden for wanting to talk. I honor the memory of my father in a couple of different ways. I always try to help my family, friends or anyone who needs it. My dad always told me that “Son you’re gonna pay for everything you do before you leave this Earth. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad.” So I always try to do something good everyday. I also honor my dad on his birthday and the anniversary of his death by writing a message on my social media platforms to honor him and remind him that I love him and miss him every day. That will never change. I also try to eat one of my favorite meals on his birthday and anniversary of his death. Pizza and Pepsi. My dad loved stuffed crust pizza. I either order it or make it myself on those two days.
My perspective on life has changed so much since my father passed. I try to live every day of my life as it was my last day. I’ve learned that tomorrow is never promised. I tell my family and friends I love them every single day and even though I have some extremely busy days I always try to check in on my little brothers and sisters even if it’s just for a brief moment.
There are several pieces of advice that my dad taught me that I always will carry with me. “Work hard and stay humble”. “Don’t let your pride get in the way of asking for help”. “Never feel sorry for yourself because there’s always someone who has it harder than you do. My personal favorite though is “Always treat a lady the way you’d treat your mother”. One thing I’d like to say to my dad is thank you for helping me become the man I am today. Please continue to watch over me and the family. I just hope that I’m making you proud. I love you.