This Tribute is is in honor of Jennifer Aileen Ibarra written by Doily Baez
My cousin was a very caring person. She always put other feelings before her own. Though she was only 14, she wanted to make a change in the world. She was in band and loved to play the Flute. Her passion was fashion. She was very funny too. She was my step cousin and I actually met her when we were 7. We met when I moved to the United States. I remember my mom had told me so much about her to make me like her beforehand. She wanted to make sure I had a friend in this new world. We were both in our pjs and it was right after breakfast.
My first impression was “why does her hair look crazy” not knowing my hair was worse lol so we both laughed and hugged, and we were instantly best of friends. We did absolutely everything together from the day we met. My best memories of her were playing without Barbies all day long. We had a kiddie pool, and we would make it a “beach day” for Barbie’s. Also, as we grew from Barbie. Every weekend night we had scary movie night and that was fun. Sundays were made for singing. Singing Sundays, we played our favorite tunes and screamed at the top of our lungs. I still find myself at her grave site and sing our songs.
She was what I called my walking diary. She was always there for me, through some of the toughest moments of my life. She helped me through them. She listened to everyone with no judgment and always knew what to say to brighten the day. she faced a lot of bullying right before she passed. Unfortunately, I moved out of state, and I wasn’t there to help her. We would write letters to each other, that seemed to help her some. she was crossing the road after fighting with her boyfriend, she rushed out of his house and she was struck by an incoming car. He was a 86 year old vet and a retired police, no charges were found and her death was marked as suicide. It impacted my life tremendously. My cousin , my best friend, and my walking diary were gone. She took a piece of my heart with her that I never got back.
I got anxiety from her passing. I was afraid of cars for a long time. Her parents never recovered. She left behind a niece and a nephew. My family was devastated and hasn’t been the same since-I’ve always hated the saying time heals, because it doesn’t. I find that time only makes it hurt more because as our lives go on, they go on without it. She missed out on everything; she was only 14. Acceptance is what has helped me heal. Every birthday and anniversary I go visit her grave and celebrate her life. Some Sundays I still show up to sing our songs. I like to think that I can feel her presence and hear her voice singing with me.
My advice would be to cry it out and don’t hold it in. Grieving is normal and we are all entitled to it. There is nothing wrong with missing our person. Remembering that they aren’t alone and if you need to talk to someone, do it, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. And remember that acceptance is what heals, not time. Accept that they have departed to a better life -my niece was named after her. And I’m also always donating to some suicide prevention fund. Sharing the number to the hotline. Deep in my heart I know it wasn’t suicide, but I’ll never know. I cherish every moment with my loved ones. I make every moment count because you never know when it’ll be the last. I also learned not to go to bed mad at someone. Before she left her home, she got into a fight with her mother and her last words to her were that she hated her. I make sure to let everyone I love to know how much they mean to me. -I find comfort in knowing that she knows I care and think of her every single day. She knew I loved her. I spoke to her a few days before she passed, 2 days before and she did say goodbye to me and she loved me as if she knew it would be the last time we talked. There are a few songs that remind me of her and I listen to them when I miss her. Or when times get tough and I’m alone in the car, those songs randomly come on and I like to think that it’s a sign that she’s right there with me still. -The message would be to always remind your parent how much you love them.
